Remembering to connect with elderly loved ones comes 100% naturally w/ the "like us, just plus" mindset.
** TIP: Please read this when you have 15 mins for yourself. Reading and doing the exercise is how you'll get results! If you don't have 15 mins now, it's okay - set aside a moment this week to come back **
We have busy lives. It's easy for weeks (even months) to go by without noticing it... all of a sudden we look up and see how many days have passed. Next, we feel a bit guilty or embarrassed about it, making us even less likely to pick up the phone now. It can be a tricky cycle. Busy > forget > feel bad > procrastinate a few moments > get busy again > forget again.
If you want a habit of connecting to your elder, you can have it. Right now.
This is your recipe:
That's the end of your free Starter Kit! Please, please, please reach out if you have any questions, would like something clarified, want feedback, or to let me know how it's going for you! I'm here to help you, so please don't hesitate to say hello or share your thoughts.
There's a lot of research available on habits, but most of the research doesn't directly show you step-by-step how to create your own habits that stick. Author of the book "Hooked", Nir Eyal, changes that. Nir has built his long career around helping people and businesses take habit research and turn it into action. He boils it down to something called "the hook". The Hook emphasizes key elements of truly addictive behavior. Think: when you're bored in line at Starbucks... maybe you open your phone? What app do you click? Facebook, Instagram, email? Do you know why you took out your phone, or why you clicked that app? Usually not. These things happen out of habit. We're easily "hooked" on the behavior and we like the feeling of doing it. Well, this same model can be used to actively create habits you want, like calling your grandfather or writing a letter to your elderly aunt. The power is yours. Let's do it!
** TIP: Please read this when you have 15 mins for yourself. Reading and doing the exercise is how you'll get results! If you don't have 15 mins now, it's okay - set aside a moment this week to come back **
We have busy lives. It's easy for weeks (even months) to go by without noticing it... all of a sudden we look up and see how many days have passed. Next, we feel a bit guilty or embarrassed about it, making us even less likely to pick up the phone now. It can be a tricky cycle. Busy > forget > feel bad > procrastinate a few moments > get busy again > forget again.
If you want a habit of connecting to your elder, you can have it. Right now.
This is your recipe:
- One action item that's clear and enjoyable
- Reminder that fits your current life
- Ability to write notes
It's that easy, but you must have all three. Let's put it to use.
Starter Kit for Habit with Elder
- Action Item: What could you do to improve the connection you have with your elderly loved one? Perhaps it's a phone call, a monthly visit, writing a letter, sending your kids' paintings, sharing a photo from the week's activities, etc. Think about one clear action item you would love to start doing and say it out loud (yes, actually say it). What would feel meaningful in your situation? "I want to ___ on a routine basis."
Now that you have your action item in mind, it's time to pump it up a notch. After all, this action item has probably crossed your mind before, but we still need to develop the habit. What could have been missing before? The LUJP mindset. Remember your elder is like you, just plus extra time lived. That is to say, think about how you would most enjoy this action item (questions that are interesting, topics, curiosities, observations, etc.) and apply those ideas. Do not assume that because your aunt is 92 years old or because grandma doesn't use Facebook that they wouldn't be interested in connecting with you about the things that are truly on your mind. Remembering they're "like us, just plus" will help you make the action item interesting to you, too, and therefore increase your excitement to actually do it.
Write your action item: _______________________________
- Reminder: The trick to starting something new is to remind yourself about it. You need to set a routine reminder to do your action item. Our key tip is to only choose a reminder that already works for you. How do you currently remember to do important things? Do you love your calendar? To Do lists? Phone alarms? Placing items out in plain sight? Notice the reminder method you use most and stick with it for this, too. There's no need to add a new form of reminder... that would just be yet another new habit to form!
Bonus Tip: It's good to know there are two types of reminders: external and internal. Most reminders people think about are external (calendars, lists, alarms). However, internal reminders can be very powerful, especially when accompanied by an external reminder you love. Internal reminders are things that go on inside our bodies or minds that make us think to do something. They're like feelings. When you feel hungry, you remember to eat. When you feel popcorn in your teeth, you remember to floss. So, in the case of your elder action item, what internal feeling could help remind you to do it? Boredom watching tv? Fullness after dinner? Relief leaving work? Be aware of internal feelings with your external reminder and you will turbocharge this new habit into action.
Write your exact reminder: _______________________________
- Notes: This 3rd part is easy, but very important. First think: what's the most likely way you will easily take notes? Notebook and pen, "Notes" app on your phone, Google Docs, emails to yourself, etc. Whatever you like in your current life, commit to that. Just make sure it will be easy to access when you complete your action item.
Taking notes may feel easy, but it's a key element to easy habit-forming and should not be left out. If you don't take notes (regardless if it's one line or fifty lines), your habit will feel less like a joy and more like a struggle. Why? It's part of the science (you can read more background below if you like). In short, taking notes is about building an investment with each of your actions. Building up a log of notes about your connections with your elderly loved ones sends signals to your brain that this is an investment in a greater project. You're not just making a regular old Sunday phone call to Nana, you're building up the investment in your relationship and documenting it as a physical manifestation of that investment.
Write where you'll take notes: _______________________________
That's the end of your free Starter Kit! Please, please, please reach out if you have any questions, would like something clarified, want feedback, or to let me know how it's going for you! I'm here to help you, so please don't hesitate to say hello or share your thoughts.
xx C
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why This Works
There's a lot of research available on habits, but most of the research doesn't directly show you step-by-step how to create your own habits that stick. Author of the book "Hooked", Nir Eyal, changes that. Nir has built his long career around helping people and businesses take habit research and turn it into action. He boils it down to something called "the hook". The Hook emphasizes key elements of truly addictive behavior. Think: when you're bored in line at Starbucks... maybe you open your phone? What app do you click? Facebook, Instagram, email? Do you know why you took out your phone, or why you clicked that app? Usually not. These things happen out of habit. We're easily "hooked" on the behavior and we like the feeling of doing it. Well, this same model can be used to actively create habits you want, like calling your grandfather or writing a letter to your elderly aunt. The power is yours. Let's do it!
 |
| Source: Forbes |
